Friday, November 5, 2010

A letter to Violent Acres

Dear V,

I know you will never read what im about to say but i dont care.  I'm going to write to you anyway.

i want you to know that you inspire hope in me more so than the vast majority of influences i've come across.  In many ways you remind me of my mother, a person i respect and admire and in many ways I dont understand.  The stories you share have effected me emotionally and almost brouhgt me to tears reading about you running away.  I always wish i had suffered more growing up... you can only really overcome the circumstances you're brought up in if they aren't good.  And in that way i feel like im sort of limited now since my childhood was better than most.

I have never had to live in a situation one tenth as bad as those described in your  blog. Ive always feel that I never had a reason to complain.  i did starve, i wasnt abused, i wasnt beaten.   My parents tried their hardest, and im only at the cusp of begining to understand howmuch they really did.

i try every day for them to be the wisest person i can.  i dont know how else to adequately say thank you.

Reading what you write has at least inspired me to feel sad with justification again. 

I dont know waht I would say to you if we met on the street.  i wouldnt pity you for your hardships because youve told me why i shouldn't. (and that you dont want or need some random teenagers pity).  I hate that I can so easily see how real your stories are. Theres absolutly no flare

 I wish there was.

ive never been very good at saying how sorry i am.  ive locked up and stood in place for an hour due to my inability to process how i felt. i can't blame anyone for this but myself.

I wish I could hug you, not for you but for me. I dont presume to know how you would react to such a thing but i would say to your face how much it makes me feel not alone to see somone like yourself.

A human being unfiltered before a world filled with critics, bigots, tools, and whores.

(I love the word Whore by the way. there are few insults that i find as rich in meaning. also the pronunciation of the word almost requires more..disgust and condensation than many of the other insults.)

I have a file in my mind which in which i place very few people.  often times it is just a side of a person. one reflection of them in one light, sometimes it is merely a small statement.  perhaps you fit in this catagory because of the onesided single light i see you in, all you are to me is an online blog, but there is enough fiber in that to merit recognition.

I desperatly hope. That is some small way I can learn to emulate you.

That file is of people I want to be like.

People whom I want to change myself to resemble.

Aspects of my mother, fathers, and a few other are included in this. And while I know it may seem trivial to some to be included in my little "head file", i want you to know that i heard you. I dont care if a thousand other people come in line in importance before me in your mind, because today you said the right thing to make me feel like i dont need your approval.

Today, right now, you made a difference to me.  and that I can shout it to the world like you shouted your words to an audience you would never meet or hear... that is good enough for me, and i thank you.

           an avid fan   


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