Im gonna break form here and have no valid logical points, or even well based opinions.
Im reading a blog I found completely by accident called violent acres. and while i dont feel as though a series of walls are shattering down in my head, I love it. and it gives me some fucking hope for once.
I was randomly trolling the internet and through sheer coincidence i found intelligence. wtf? where did this come from? you can't find REASONABLE PEOPLE on the internet. blashpemy.
Ive taken to listening to dubstep while on the computer and am seriously enjoying Deadmau5. (i love the fact that there are no words. its just pure musical experience without cramming an agenda down my throat. no pressure to learn the lyrics or anything. ) even though hes probably the most well known artist of the dubstep genre. only one ive heard of. why does that make me feel like i shouldnt enjoy his music?
but anyway back to said blog. some of the stories this lady tells...there so HUMAN. no plot, no characters, nothing but what happened. another wtf. perhaps its because i dont spend much time looking at or for blogs that i find this so astounding.
but then again its not something i come across in daily life either... so many people i see at gainesville state look...zombified...overwhelmed? maybe its me...
i look at peoples face when i walk from class to class. their FACES not thier shoes or purses. i look straight at their eyes. why do so many people glance and look away like theyre scarred? once again maybe its me. i dont doubt ive come across more than once as "creepy" without even realizing it.
I feel like we're all running out of hope. for every story u hear of somone getting ahead 10 people come out of the woodwork to slash and berate them or talk about how they rode on others backs. somebody give us some fucking hope. I say us because i am here in this ridiculous world with you. bigots and fanatics around every corner screaming at us. why even try?
and yet how hypocritical is it of me to sit here late at night, talking to myself, thinking about how hopeless i feel in this self destructive world we are inhabiting? all im doing is standing around complaining while the ship is sinking. plus what good is my opinion just because i have the nerve to think it? im just a poor 18 year old with no family to support and have never had to fight for the food given to me and still i feel the need to complain about how i feel hopless? gimme a fucking break. how is my opinion any more valid than the fucktard holding the God hates fags sign? those blind fools with cash in front of thier eyes pressing the launch button over and over and over.
its not. thats what i find hopless. that there exists no sound way to invalidate the sheep following blindly and corrupt with power with out becoming the very thing you orignially rallied against.
but thats when you find those jewels. those small rays of hope and insight between the overcast sky of idiocracy. and i guess thats all im really asking for.